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Working In Office Again - The Story of How I'm an Emotional Hurricane

The day we found out (edit: told) we would be working in office again, I literally started crying at my desk (aka dining room table). They weren't sad or excited tears - I don't think I knew what to feel. Maybe I just don't like change? Changing my daily routine and setting without having an option was a little too much for me to handle all at once. I was finally in our house after living in someone else's for 6 months. I had my cozy space, I had my routine of working out, walking Maggie, all while not feeling rushed in the morning. I even had time to sit down for breakfast every day. Oh, and I got home from work at 5:01pm.

A million thoughts came flooding through my brain: should I apply for remote only jobs? What about when they said we would be remote unless you think you should come into office a certain day? Is it even required to be fully vaxxed to be in office?? (It's not, apparently).

Yesterday was our first day back in office since March 2020. I had to figure regional rail again, plan down to the minute what time I could wake up in the morning to get the most sleep and still be on time, and pack for an entire day away from home. It's a LOT to take in for someone who struggles with anxiety, like I do.

It kind of felt like the first day of school; energy was higher than usual, people were excited to see where they would be sitting (socially distanced, every other desk), chit chat was still had, though less awkward than forced daily chit chat.

But now on day 2 in office, I'm reminded of the freedom I lack from working from home. I would actually take breaks, catch up with Patrick throughout the day, LAUGH, go to the bathroom without wearing a mask or physically smacking into people coming around the corner of a hallway too fast. It's quiet, beige, a little lonely. I'm convinced the fluorescent lighting made me nauseous yesterday.

I'm thankful we're only in person two weeks at a time (two weeks in, then two at home). I'm scared of not adjusting well, of being emotionally exhausted from having to say hi to every person I pass, being "on" all the time. To be fair, I was genuinely excited to see some people - I actually like a lot of them! I can be myself and talk and enjoy myself. But like any social situation, I need downtime after to regain my energy.

I think I'll do a little better with work itself since there is so much more structure in office. I'm able to separate my work life with my home life. Everything feels so normal being in office, and yet foreign at the same time? I will miss my lunchtime snuggles with Maggie on days where I needed some time to chill though.

So anyway, I think I'm emotionally a mess just like a lot of other people having to return to office. So if you're in the same boat: it sucks, and I'm sorry. And don't forget to hydrate and use blue light glasses. Oh, and take time to make something yummy for dinner when you get home. It's a big help after a long day. Do things just for yourself, not just related to work, like food prepping or planning out your schedule. Have a drink (if you drink), workout (if you workout, I don't know your life). Take dope food pictures. Don't get too sucked into corporate life, and I'll try to do the same.


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