I Built a Dresser and It Only Took 9 Hours! And Other Weekend Things

HI! I'M BACK! Sorry to yell, I'm just excited. And caffeinated. The point is I'm here and I'm about to recap my weekend so buckle up kiddies!

Friday! Probably doesn't even warrant an exclamation point, but it's the start of the weekend and that's hashtag exciting. So... here we are. I think I drank some spiked seltzers and went to bed early.

This is turning out to be a super fun recap, DONT YOU THINK??

This is going well.

Saturday! Much more exciting I promise! You're like "someone please stop her."

But actually it was quite lovely. Except for the part where my adorable puppy decided to wake up at 4:55am by barking incessantly until I came to get her out of her crate in the next room.

Oh. Yes, she has her own room because we have an extra bedroom and we don't feel like dealing with her in our room at all times. I mean, she gets her own room because she's that important. Sure, that sounds nicer.

So the morning of my 4:55am wake up call (I am the weirdo who remembers exact times of things, I don't get it either. Let's move on) it was already disgustingly hot, to the point where the thought of going outdoors was prohibidado <--name that movie. So much of the day was going to be spent indoors watching the World Cup and most likely day drinking. We sound like the picture of health right now.

^^gah I can't stand how stinkin' cute that face is

We decided to make some brunch but alas! (<--why?) we were out of food. So Patrick was a darn gem and ran out for ingredients to make eggs benedict and guhhh. Just look at them.

I'm not even going to pretend that's homemade hollandaise, it's butter, milk, and a powder mix in a little pouchie from the grocery store. Okay so it's semi-homemade. Homegirl aint got time to be making her own hollandaise. I'm not Ina Garten!

*If you don't have time to raise your own cows and fetch their milk in the morning, store bought is fine*

So now this brings us to the potion of the weekend that triggered rage, swearing, vodka drinking, sweating, and eventual pride.

I built a mother forking dresser from that damn IKEA...ALL BY MYSELF!! Yes I'm spoiling the suspense by telling you that eventually I did it, and I'm incredibly joyous, praise be, yadda yadda. I only have a couple of minor scrapes but the thing didn't fall on me (even though I didn't anchor it to the wall, SUCK ON THAT IKEA!) Remember that rage I mentioned?

So I got home with this monstrosity and started construction like I'm Bob the Builder over here at 3pm. I exaggerate a lot, but I kid you not when I say that this thing came in 3 fairly huge boxes with an instruction booklet of 44 (FORTY-FREAKING-FOUR) pages. *cue vodka chugging* Oh! and about 500 too many screws and nails <-- dirty, sorry.

So I began building. And drinking vodka lemonade. And building. And yelling incoherently at the instruction booklet (did I mention it was 44 pages?!). Then at 11pm I called it a night and ordered a pizza. OH and they delivered the wrong one, and the wrong size.

I'm totally truthfully not someone who calls to return a pizza, but I was so looking forward to my spinach ricotta and tomatoes, and also I was quite tipsy. Within about 20 minutes I had a new pizza (the correct kind but ANOTHER size large!) I had ordered a small...

So now i'm stuck with a dresser three-quarters done, two massive pizzas and no will to continue on. But I persevered, and ate two slices of pizza. And then passed out.

This is the end I PROMISE. I finished the dresser drawers Sunday morning and BY GOLLY (<--I don't even know) IT LOOKS DAMN GOOD! Sorry for yelling, I'm quite proud of it. That's the end really.

It's this without the mirror. I forgot to take a picture of my own because, well. Vodka. Okay love you bye.